i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
