Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize