i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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