Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
