Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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