It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
