I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
