Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Farmville is her only friend.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
