Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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