That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
bring money and cleavage
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize