The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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