My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.