I wish I could teleport
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
