the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
