I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
