"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
