brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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