3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
