blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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