Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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