I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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