my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
