You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
