dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
