I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
