So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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