Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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