using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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