My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
