Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
