Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
