Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
