Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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