you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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