I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
