I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What drink are we having for lunch?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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