dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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