You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
