She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
