turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
As shirtless as possible
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
try to milk me bitch
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
