Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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