I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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