morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
