I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
COCAINE IS GR8
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
