My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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