piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
