dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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