Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
