my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
