It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
