I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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