i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
