You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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