paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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