So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
