Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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