I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
