God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
