separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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