i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
