Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
