Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ladies don't puke and tell
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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