Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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