you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
