I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
