She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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