she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
