I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
