we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize