im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
