OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
that may or may not have been my penis.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
