She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
