he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
