You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
