Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
